Well as I was rocking my little LJ tonight I happen to hit the "Review your year" on Facebook. As I started reading... It kinda of hit like a ton of bricks.One post said I will blog a recap of these last few weeks. I sat down to do this many times. But, I wasn't ready, what says I am now?

 This was not a pretty year. Yes, I have had harder moments. If you know me closely you'd agree. But as a year in whole, it's still hard to swallow. How do we bridge the gap of excepting what happened, the anger with God over WHY  it happen, and excepting it with moving forward.

What I know now.....My compassion for people who are ill has grown a HUGE amount. Your mind doesn't change (most of the time) but your body can not complete the normal task.

 Every time I ate within 20 minutes I would start passing out. Within 10 minutes my heart rate would be around 120. Almost every single time I let any food enter my mouth. I was not capable of even getting myself to the bed.

 The first time it happened, I was in our sunday school. I have passed out plenty in my life, giving people plenty of scares, just with low blood sugar. It is something I learned to cope with. I have always planned my next meal, and always included a large protien source.This was life for me. That morning a friend's husband was covering for our teacher who was out, our class was packed, my dress was too tight, I felt off. I ate a good healthy breakfast but I felt like I was going to pass out. David left the room and got me water, I drank it, and I think I looked at my watch 100 times to see if the class was over yet. I wanted to get out of there before I hit the floor. We got the kids and got home. Nothing else really happened that day. Steadily over the next 2 weeks it became worse. The final straw was the start of a good day. We were doing a refi on our house and it ended up with me having lunch with David. This rarely happens. Maybe 5 times a year. After our rare moments alone we parted ways. I blasted the air and nothing seemed to change. I grabbed my phone. I knew what was happening. I could not see a thing. I was driving 60+ miles an hour down a highway. I somehow manged to get complete off the road and stopped with calling him saying help. I just remember crying Oh God. I did not even have time to think of the 100 horrible things that could happen in that moment. NONE of them did. I started to regain my vision. The van was still moving but very bumpy so I quickly slammed on breaks and threw it in park and violently began to vomit. David and his brother pulled up behind me shortly after. I was a mess. We drove straight to the hospital. And so it began.... The weekly checkups, the constant worry, the persistent sickness. The exhausting of everyone around me. 


This was the second hardest part of it..... Forgiveness. Honestly- I am very bitter when I think about it. This is where the anger comes into play. I saw friends who some I barely knew at the time bend over backwards to help me. From taking the kids swimming, from bringing dinner so many times. to making sure they brought us dinner even though they were home with sick kids. And then I saw ugly. Without concentrating too much on others sins. From people who should of been there that weren't, from some people who felt it was their place to tell people I was not sick. ( I kid you not) I learned a lot about character. Why did God let these things happen when I already thought I had hit bottom by being stuck in the bed, not being able to care for myself or my 3 children, not being able to drive a car. I guess I didn't know what bottom was. And because for some twisted reason ALL of these people are still in my life, I choose forgiveness. I will never cause someone the hurt and betrayal I felt during this time. 

I felt abandoned.

This is not a pretty feeling to someone who has abandonment issuses. I have known this feeling my whole life. And here it was again.. I thought I was past it.. But God showed me I wasn't. 

I had booked a beach trip back in Febuary and decide to cancel a trip to Disney World. We decided we needed to save the money and just rent a house at the beach and still have a vaction. What a blessing we made this choice. With only loosing a little we changed our minds, if  I would of not canceled then and waited until I was sick and I had to cancel we would of been out thousands. This trip made me so nervous. I was scared to death to be away from my OB, the hospital I had come to know, and the security of our home. During this week, God showed out big. First with the thought of choosing to be here. Second I dove into a forgiveness study. Third I began excepting that I HAD to move forward. I began to love the thought of by forgiving them was MY gain. Letting God handle it my reward was double. I reminded myself of this and still do over and over. And during this week I ate, I lived, I swam with my children, I prepared a few light meals, I loaded a dishwasher, I felt like me. On the other hand, I set my self up for a fall. I just KNEW God had healed me, I was over this mess, I was going to be able to move on with life. Well it did not happen that way. Qucikly after returning home the sickness returned. This is not explainable. It was a God thing. I needed a break from my body, I need to have the strength to study his word, I need strenght so I wouldnt dwell on what had happen. I needed this week to move forward.

The rest of the pregnacy was better.. I had my ups and downs. But it was not constantly down. I still cried daily, but I had the end in sight. David took a month off work to finish the pregnacy. His brother and Dad worked endless hours to cover his work while he covered my work. He learned to sort clothes, make a bed, and how to tip a house keeper ;) Who let me add has always been a blessing but was even more of a blessing during this time. (This is no kind of bragging I have help, this is OUR choice, and a HUGE blessing to my family and hers, say and think what you want, but I this works for us)

I delivered my Lila Jane on September 9th. They broke my water for me at 6:30 and she was here by 8:30. She came quickly and painfully. 

My wonderful OB has followed up with us over and over. He is a tough man, but we have come to learn with a soft soul. He gave hugs, he listened to my crying rants, he even threatened to put me in the hospital for the last 10 weeks. That wasn't pretty, but I still think a lot of him ;) He told me on my 2 week postparum check he was happy we had made it through. This is NOT a man to come acorss soft. He then said " I thought you both weren't going to make it at a point" I knew his attention was on me, but my attention was on baby. And I did not loose her. And that I thank God for. 

So there is my long awaited recap. I said in the begining it was not a pretty year. Life is not pretty. We were never told it was. But what is pretty is God's mercy. He carried me, my marriage, my pregnacy, my life, through a not "pretty" time. His beautiful mercy saved a sinner soul and blessed her with making it through a tough spot. And that is beautiful. 

 Well, in my normal style, I only blog about the big things. I have gone back and forth on even sharing this. These choices have come with prayers, tears, smiles, and honestly a huge change in my life. I truly feel my family is going where God is leading us, and with it has come the thought "Why should I stand with people who truly stand against me?" I am so very blessed with some family and great friends that love and support us. I cannot tell you how much the ones who have hugged my neck and said "I am so excited for you." have meant to me. There are a handful of you, even if we do not get together often or even talk that much, I would not trade you for anything in this world. I am so thankful that God put these supportive families in our lives. With that comes three BIG things that people were not expecting.

One, We are having another baby girl!!

Two, We are leaving TPS.

Three, We are not moving.

WOW, right?! So let's knock this out one by one..

One, Another precious baby. THIRD girl! David was absolutely thrilled to find out I was pregnant again. If you truly know him, he loves his three children to the moon and back (and all things kids). Then he found out it was another daughter, and our beautiful girls with their Daddy's sparkling blue eyes and white hair make him nervous! He simply said " I'm not sure God got my job right!" The doctor thought this was extremely funny and felt the need to educate me (not David, he already knows all things science of course) that this was all David's fault. He made three little girls (and one boy) and the gender has nothing to do with me. HA! We are nervous, life is crazy but already so in love. Cannot wait to welcome another precious life into this world. She is nameless. We are nowhere close either!!

Two.... Two is hard. This came about right after the baby was found out about. This has caused the tears. This has caused me, honestly, not telling many people, and putting my family at arms length. This has also come with the hugs and excitement of many friends that I love dearly. We love Trinity. This decision has nothing to do with anything negative on Trinity. We are leaving to homeschool. This is scary, but we have to do what's fair for our family, and money is a big part of that. We have high standards, and I found no one else that I trusted. First thing our TPS friends have said, is "Why not try to get financial support?" This was our choice not to go there. The money is there, but we feel like the money should be elsewhere.

 I love so many homeschool families, most of you know David was homeschooled and had a wonderful experience. I am surrounded by the best support group I could dream of. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about how God has laid the bricks to this road, the mentors that have stepped in my life, the friends I have come to love, the passion for watching my children grow. It is so beautiful to see it now. But I am insecure, I will not lie about that. So please pray for us as we travel down this road. And for my skin to toughen up, I am not very good at the "You are doing what?" All the negative talk from family... hurts. I am healing but still trusting someone, when you know they talk so bad about your choices, is no easy pill to swallow. 

Three not moving. And now you are saying "Wait, you are having another baby, homeschooling, and NOT moving?!" Truth be told I did not want to accept this. I put my feet down and God has slowly gotten me through this. The whole time He has given me the thought "People all around the world, dream of a house this nice" This money is not there. The market has not recovered in our neighborhood. Very little sells, and what does is at a low price. Everything is going to rental. We have not said no to renting it out, but not yet. We need to have met some financial goals before we go down that road (queues the $ is there for TPS but needs to be elsewhere). This is still hard. It has been hard on me for over a year now, and it has only gotten worse. If you have been to my home you know, Ella Grace has always had a crib or toddler bed in the corner of our room. We are busy busy redoing Addison's room to fit both of them. And like any remodel project it always takes longer and cost more than you ever planned. I will post more about this, with before and after pictures later :) The crib will go in our room and we will go about life a lot like it is now. I have cleaned out, thrown away, given away, so much stuff, and still have more to go. I could have never done this without the help of a sweet friend, that rocks my socks off!! This is not forever, but God whispers in my ear OFTEN, "Be happy where you are."

So yeah.... love me or not this is where we are going in life. Very humbling time for me, I like to drive, not sit in the back seat and wait. Please pray for us as we go through these changes, and if this makes you mad, tell someone else. In the words of Sweet Brown "A'int no body got time for dat"!! And I sure as heck don't have time for you to tell me I am making bad choices. And to the friends who are excited for us, you have no idea how much you mean to us. I truly am thankful for your friendships. 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding,

in all ways submit to Him,

and he will make your path straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

With love,

Dream much?

 True story I am the worlds worst blogger!! But I LOVE reading all my sweet friend's blog. So here's something to chew on..

Dreams. Crazy mind thoughts or messages from God? In my beliefs- BOTH! I have crazy dreams about dead ex boyfriend baby mama drama (complete use of random words for the sake of being dramatic) But I have some that make me wake up with a smile, so I hope you can smile as well.

Phillip Phillips- love his album. Common playlist in mommy time. His song Home. Imagine God signing this song to you, imagine the love over flowing, and change the lyrics to this is not your home. Embrace the hug of the Holy Spirit, and run the race strong. Love to you and yours..

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=HoRkntoHkIE&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DHoRkntoHkIE

We started school.. 

This came with a thousand emotions for me. With the emotions aside of this is not what we planned.. Where we live and are attending. God has us where we are for a reason. 

We went with Trinity with little thought. David attended before he was homeschooled. You walk into the doors and feel the love for the children. I really feel like this is the right choice for Addison. 

All summer she would ask is it time for Trinity yet? Well now the time is here! She is a Kindergarten getting up at 6:30am, uniform wearing, backpack carrying little girl.

Now it is the school year. This is going to be hard work but a blast. From school, gymnastics, KM for the younger two, bible study, and wednesday night church. Bring on the crockpot and long days. 

C'mon fall time, apple candles, Auburn football and the windows open.

Well I was going to blog about a fun Thursday night last week.. But my pictures are loading very slowly. So here is a bit of something heavier.. For over 10 years now I have had a heart condition, SVT. Most of the time it is no big deal, I take my medicine and live my life. During the end of my pregnancy with Ella Grace things started changing. I have no reasons why, just something that happens with age. So June 20th I am having ablation surgery. They will go in through my leg with those things above and burn out the section of my heart that causes problems. 


First reactions people tend to look like this :O HEART SURGERY. But I am going to UAB, they are the best! I know people who have had this surgery. It has pros and cons, I know both sides of the stories. But, lately it has become very unpredictable to when problems might arise. So the SMALL risks it has are more worth it now.


Would you join us in praying for this? Would you pray for the ones taking care of the kids? We know my three children are wonderfully wild and full of life.


Thank you all.

Well, does life ever go as planned? Ha no.. This is our lovely home. We bought it 6 years ago now. We were SO proud. Through this side door, I was carried after our honeymoon, as were three precious newborns, and even at times we have walked through it with very heavy hearts. Even with all the good we have had, I could not wait to get out. We got our salary and our three kids we always wanted, and it honestly had nothing to do with "keeping up with the Jones' " It had everything to do with the dream we had. This past fall we found a great neighborhood, picked out a perfect lot, picked out a huge house with over 3,000 square feet. Realized Addison could go to a great private school down the road with a old friend of the family as her teacher. Now this was the dream I remember! I remember crying while praying and thanking God for how good it was going to be.

Today, we took our house off the market. I recently rode past the neighborhood with all the beautiful houses, and teared up as I rounded the curve where I pictured teaching our kids to ride bikes in the cul-de-sac. My dream, is now someone else's. It is a lot to swallow!

By no means am I saying God is done with me on this lesson.. My tender heart still needs -Him desperately. But, I know this. I have my dream. God has blessed me with a husband who provides and loves, and three healthy children. Addison will attend a different private school next year, and we will learn to ride bikes on our sidewalk. 

We are going to pay this house off faster, and one day, God willing, we will move. For now, I will continue to love and try to bless the others around me, and be proud that we have a home. His dream for me is better than I can imagine, and it will come true, And it will for you too!

 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21

Fifth Birthday

 Welcome!
Let's play catch up.. Sweet A turned FIVE. All she wanted was a special day with Mama to celebrate. We went to her favorite store..

 Followed by lunch at the "rocking chair place". I enjoy this day with her so much, she is growing like a weed. And I'm glad all she wanted was a day with me.

 And her new puppy needed his picture taken as well. :)

Hooray for starting back blogging! First, Have you seen my children lately? 

Good grief how time flies! I have a 5, 3 and 1 year old. Why yes, I am busy! I have officially gone the longest I ever have without getting pregnant. I know, it is funny! Here are their Easter pictures.. Yes, they are all clean! Who knew it could happen!!

Addison and Connor.. She's 5 going on 10. Every day I have my hands full with this girl, and can not even imagine what life will be like next year with her gone to Kindergarten. Connor is all boy, and full of love. He wants Mama more than the girls, and I fold laundry, wash dishes, all with him at my feet with his trains or cars.

EG has decided she has big shoes to fill. Around here.. You walk, talk, and climb to keep up, Explore the backyard, talk about bugs with Daddy, And you must love just being outside. I tell ya she has got it down to a tee. I thought God had given me a quiet one, a little different from the first two, No. I am blessed with three kids ready to take on this world.

What I am so thankful for right now, is they are blessed with a family. It comes in all shapes and sizes, but what I promise you is this. It is worth fighting for, and these kids deserve all of us.

Georgia Part 2

Since we were already over that way, David's work asked us to work for a few days over there. Being the southern belle I am, and the pride that comes with that, I was thrilled to hear we were going to Savannah. David's work was pretty simple and blessed with success. So we headed to the hotel, the kids were thrilled because it is October and they spotted an indoor swimming pool. I wanted to see the city though while we had day light. So off we went. We drove the downtown then paid for parking two blocks from our hotel (lol) We had no idea how close we were. Then we got on the public bus and headed for park. The ride was great, we love public transportation in other cities! The bus driver went out of the way to be nice to the children. They played on a great playground then we started to stroll. Which lead to a huge fountain. We missed the bus by 20 seconds and worked very hard to keep A&C happy and on the same corner for thankfully only 15 minutes. We were happy to see the same nice bus driver. It was a different route back to the car so we enjoyed the ride once again. We walked to a cute little pizza place at The Market, Connor cried most of the time. He doesn't handle the stress of being in public for long. This is just as hard on mama. We headed back for the hotel me and EG went for a bike ride in the gym, while daddy and A&C swam. The kids had a hard time going to sleep somewhere new and at almost 3 AM everyone closed their eyes. The next morning we slept through breakfast go figure! We then headed out for some shopping then ate lunch at a cute Mexican place with a patio mostly to ourselves. That afternoon we spent on Tybee island. I could of stayed a week. It was simple, it was beautiful, different, peaceful, and I could keep going. The kids played so well together and Connor was so happy it was good for the soul. We then went to a little ice cream shop and they inhaled some chocolate waffle cones. We wanted to stay but wanted home. Since David worked so quickly we didn't feel right about making his work get another hotel bill. So, at 5pm on the Atlantic coast we say let's just go home. We stopped back by to see The Hudson's and let the kids play basketball. We rolled into our driveway sometime after 1am. And crashed. Our whirlwind trip was a blast, mixed with stress, with thankfulness for my family. Especially that they sleep well at home :)

Georgia Part One

So last two weeks Addison has been in Fall Break from school. So we headed over to Georgia to see the wonderful Holly and play at the fair. EG spent the evening with her GA grandmother who she adores, and we headed to the fair. The kids had a wonderful time. From ridding rides, food, face painting, watching a circus, some more food, the petting zoo, and most importantly laughing. It was a blast to go out with the "big kids". I know you think I am crazy for calling a four year old and two year old big ;) I love seeing Holly and her family. We didn't have family around growing up but we always had The Hudson's!

Here we goooo!

My first official blog!! Well first I will you the highlight of my day. At lunch today I am sitting in my chair, Con is beside me and EG is on the other side of me in her highchair. My food is getting cold as I assist them in eating lunch. EG is still on baby food and Connor just wanted some ramen and a sandwich.(I say this because he needs help with eating ramen) Well I scoop of a big bite of baby food on EG's spoon and air planed it over to ... Connor's mouth. He took it like a champ and I instantly said "Oh Connor, I am so sorry!" He sourly swallowed and simply said.."My food next time mama" Oh that boy is so wild he makes me pull out my hair. But I am so smitten with that edible face and big brown eyes!

Life at home has been.. BUSY! We have our house on the market with BIG faith in God it will all work out. This has been no easy task in my house, no one has down time from David to my Mama! Getting the house ready was... Exhausting. We still have some little projects to do, But pictures are taken, and a sign in the yard. Who knows if it will sell, But God has got a plan!


Next chnace I get I want to post about last week's GA visit. Thanks for reading.. :) I will post pictures as well.. But I have NO photo's on my new laptop so I need to get a loading!